Saturday, July 4, 2009

Whatever you say, Comrade

I like to make a list of my July 4th activities that would be deemed "unamerican." "Unamerican" is defined as what I imagine the projected persona of a Fox News personality would find unamerican. Here's how I'm doing. Are these activities vaguely unamerican?

Drinking a bottle of Perrier.
French water? Definitely.

Reading The New Yorker.
Probably. Since I was reading one article about gay rights, and another article about atrocities committed by American soldiers in Iraq, I would say definitely.

Eating veggie burgers.
Probably. If I'm not eating the grilled flesh of a dead animal, I can't really be an American man, and if I'm deliberately flouting the standard with a veggie burger, I'm basically a commie.

Whole family going to a parade wearing peace sign shirts.
Posssibly. Maybe. I tripled down with a peace sign hat and peace sign bracelet. And none of us wore any red, white, and blue. Probably not unamerican, but I think the projected persona of a Fox News personality would at least give a disapproving look.

Eating egg rolls.
Um... no, I don't think so. Even though I chose egg rolls over the wholesome American choice of an ice cream cone, I really don't think even the projected persona of a Fox News personality would think that matters.

So, does anybody else have any "unamerican" July 4th activities to report on?

1 comment:

  1. I didn't celebrate at all, which I guess is unamerican. It just turned out to be a day Jon and I both had off, so we worked on our house. Plus no parades or events going on in my small town.