Friday, October 30, 2009

How we talk about war.

David Brooks sure uses a lot of words to say "He's a prissy intellectual; he's not man enough to fight a war" (New York Times).

Truth-in-satire once again from The Onion: "U.S. Continues Quagmire-Building Effort in Afghanistan."

I'm not at all surprised to find that The Onion offers keener, more incisive insight than David Brooks.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Costanza and Me (2)

In one episode of Seinfeld, George is on the verge of career success, which fills him with anxiety and dread. He frets to his therapist, “God would never let me be successful. He’ll kill me first. He’ll never let me be happy.” “I thought you didn’t believe in God,” the therapist says. “I do for the bad things!” George replies.

I feel personally connected to the Minnesota Vikings. Their shortcomings are my shortcomings. When they fail, I feel I have failed, that I have opened myself up personally to the ridicule of the masses. When they win, I feel euphoric joy, but I don’t feel pride, exactly. I don’t think their strengths are my strengths, that their successes are my successes.

When people insult the Vikings, I feel they are insulting me personally. But that doesn’t mean that I consider praise for the Vikings praise for me. George Costanza believes in God only for the bad things. The Vikings are me, but only when they lose.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

On Adulthood

I'm an adult. If I finish off the bag of candy corn, I can just go buy another one. It costs like two dollars. If I want another bag of candy corn, I can get it.

But that candy corn is loaded with sugar and calories. I really shouldn't finish it off: I don't need all the sugar or calories. I think about my health--because I'm an adult.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

My Watermelon Policy

I'm willing to work hard for my food. I'm willing to devote time and energy to preparing a meal. I'm willing to work hard to earn each bite (as one must with, say, a grapefruit). But once a bite of food goes into my mouth, I should be done working for it. Once it is in my mouth, that is the time to just take pleasure.

So I avoid watermelon, because I don't like having to work out the seeds while the watermelon is in my mouth.

Friday, October 2, 2009

My Cantaloupe Policy

1. Always buy a cantaloupe when it costs less than a dollar.

2. Never buy cantaloupe on the "buy one, get one free" deal; no matter how much fruit you eat, it's hard to eat two cantaloupe in one week.

3. Always cut the cantaloupe within two days of getting it home.